Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Africa, American Eagle, Dior, Guinea, Neutrogena, sephora, Steve Madden, Stila, Urban Outfitters
I have only been without computer for a week now, but I started school about a week after my last actual post. Which really wasn’t a good post, at all. It is 2:46 am in Florida right now and I am going to blog. I called in sick today, and I really was/am, and got some much needed rest. So of course, here I am, wide awake at this hour. Let me just start off by saying that since I have started taking English Composition, I have a lot of trouble writing. All of the grammar rules make me feel like I know nothing. Speaking of…
Two weeks ago I turned in my first essay. It was a personal narrative essay that we had to write about a life changing experience. I wrote about Maya giving birth to Jacob. I wrote about this event because it completely changed my view on birth. I am now borderline natural birth advocate. I got my essay back last week. The way this class works is we turn in two essays, each a week apart. Our professor notes any corrections or suggestions, but does not grade the essays. Then we have one week to revise one essay of our choice and turn that in for a grade. Each (graded) essay is worth like 200 points. I got my first essay back last week. Aside from a couple punctuation errors and comma splices and the misuse of the word ‘aide’ I had all positive feed back. Last week I turned in an exemplification essay. We had to write about a belief that we once held and how we were proved wrong or a myth that many other people believe. I wrote about a belief that I once held. I used to think that Harry Potter was for children. WELL tonight I found out that I probably didn’t pick the best topic and I pretty much did the essay wrong. Needless to say, I will be turning in my narrative essay for credit. HOWEVER- My professor, who is by far my favorite instructor, gave me a compliment. Now, I don’t think I am all that pretty, nor do I have very many talents. I don’t believe one would compliment me on my reading skills or my ability to watch 6 straight hours of TV, but I do love to write. When he told me that I write very well my face just about exploded with joy. I mean, he’s one of the deans of liberal arts, his opinion has to count, like, a lot, right? It’s like someone telling you that you are really funny. I find that to be a wonderful compliment, cause you can’t fake that shit. You can’t PRETEND to be funny. So my essay was a little screwed up, but the content was really good. Oh AND I am the only one in the class that got a perfect score on the subject verb agreement quiz last week. I’ll be happy to never have to deal with that again. I fully intend on taking literature next semester. I am over composition. If I didn’t think poetry was a waste of letters I might take a creative writing class, but I know they LOVE haiku’s and stuff in those classes. I am really proving my writing skills right now, aren’t I?
I would go into my other classes, but I’ll end up on a tangent. Who wants to read that? Nope, didn’t think so. Here is some visual stimulation.
I bought these shoes. I was very apprehensive because I didn’t want to look like a pirate. I wanted higher boots, but I have MCS (man-calf syndrome) and none of them would go more than half way up my leg. I’ve decided they are a bit more cowboy-ish than pirate-ish. I got them from DSW and haven’t seen them on the Steve Madden site. So I think you may only be able to get them there. They were $49.95. You can click on the image to go to the DSW website.
I went to Sephora in search of a new eyeliner. With fall almost here and winter not far behind I won’t have to worry (too much) about my liquid eyeliner melting off of my face. Not even the worlds best primer can completely withstand Florida’s humidity! I wanted a softer color, my coloring is too fair for black black. I was looking for something in grey or dark brown in the Sephora brand. 1) Sephora brand products are much more inexpensive (NOT cheap, they are of good quality) and 2) They have quite a wide variety as far as color goes. I ended up finding the Sephora Long Lasting Metallic Eyeliner in Dark Grey. It wasn’t all that metallic, so it doesn’t look like I used a gel pen or something to put on my makeup, and it is much softer than black. It was only $10. Also, the applicator is super user friendly.
I also found this little gem. Stila Made In Your Shade Foundation Wardrobe. It is a nice collection of foundations by Stila, ranging from illuminated tinted moisturizer to a natural finish oil free foundation. It includes a moisturizing primer and a “convertible color” compact. The convertible color is a pink cream that doubles as cheek and lip color. I use Bare Minerals almost everyday, but sometimes I like a little more coverage. I am intimidated by liquid foundation, though. I think this set is great because there is no real commitment. There are four foundations to choose from and each tiny tube offers quite a bit of use so you really have the opportunity to compare each one. I haven’t tried them all, but so far the illuminated tinted foundation is a little light, I like to wear it under my Bare Minerals if I want more coverage. The GOOD thing about it being so light is that I CAN wear it with my Bare Minerals, get more coverage, but not feel like my makeup is caked on. The oil free natural finish foundation seems to offer the most coverage, but I still feel the need to put a loose powder on afterward. It, too, felt very light on my skin, but did take care of the redness and dark circles. I would recommend an additional concealer for any blemishes. The primer is kind of so-so. It didn’t melt off of my face like the Bare Minerals Prime Time or the Smashox Photo Op, but it didn’t seem to give a real stick like my Laura Geller Spackle. Still, I’ve only used it twice. Now the convertible color. I LOVE this stuff. Though, I bought the “Light” color kit, so I don’t know about the other packages and colors, but I do NOT like this on my lips. It is a pale pink, which looks weird on me. I know some people love that kind of pale Barbie-ish pink. And I am not knocking them, it just doesn’t look good on me. But I love it as a cream blush. Awesome stuff. Best part? Only $18. See? No commitment at all.
I also picked up some more DiorShow Iconic mascara. Steep at $27, but oh-so-worth-it. Some of the reviews say it is clumpy. I bought this for my sister-in-law’s birthday. A couple weeks after she saw it on me she wanted it. She said it was clumpy at first but it just took her a while to work with it. She loves it now.
One of my favorite recent purchases is the Neutrogena Moisture Shine Lip Soother. I actually bought two. They were about $6 at Target or Wal-Mart. My lips get REALLY chapped when the weather changes and most lip stuff just sits on top of the dry skin. This stuff TASTES great, has a nice shine without being super sticky, stays on your lips longer, has a SLIGHT cooling sensation (not like super minty or lip plumper tingle) AND *ta-da* it MOISTURIZES! Love it.
Oh, it is almost 4 am. Let’s wrap this up. New favorite purse. Mine is actually in peach, but this is the only color they show on the website. It was on sale for $40 at Urban Outfitters. It’s super soft, very roomy and there are some pockets inside for organizing. Any of the faux leather material from the Deux Lux line feels so nice and it really lasts.
I bought a new comforter set for our bedroom. I needed something a bit warmer (*for winter*), really comfy (*for cuddles*), durable (*for the dog*), and something that matched because I didn’t want to deal with replacing the curtains. I found this set at Home Goods. I’d been looking at it for several months but always talked myself out of it because it was like $80 and I can’t bring myself to spend that much on a BLANKET. But when I went in the other day it was on clearance. FOR $50! Also (this was a sign) they only had a twin and a full. I took a chance and bought the full. If they had a queen, I would have bought the queen, and it would have been too big. Our bed is really low to the ground so the full was PERFECT! I couldn’t find it online, but here is a picture. It’s from some brand called paul&leroy.
And last, but certainly not least. All American Eagle sunglasses are on sale for like $7. I go through sunglasses like toilet paper so I never spend more than $20 on a pair. I take really good care of them for a couple months, but then something tragic always happens and they end up scratched or broken. It’s a curse. I popped into American Eagle just to browse and I couldn’t believe that they were so inexpensive. The website has some listed at $10, but in the store they had more selections and they were ALL $6.95. Even the men’s. I bought two pairs. Couldn’t pass up such a good deal. In fact, online this pair is listed at $10, but I got them in the store for $7.
I linked all photos to their respective websites.
I would like to go to Africa. Jessica Goza has joined the peace corps and leave for Guinea in November/December. I firmly believe that if she could have visited me in Iraq she would have, so I would like to visit her in Africa. Because I can. However it will cost me about $2,000. So any and all donations are greatly appreciated. Haha, I am just kidding. But I really plan on going to Africa. I am very excited. What is the weather like in Guinea. Maybe I should be asking about the political and social climates, instead. Right?
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omg i need to have this in my life. now.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: cafe du monde, coffee, rant, SUPER FUN LADYBUG GAME
So I made coffee today. And despite working aT Starbucks for maybe a month, if I go more than two days without making coffee I forget how to do it. So I am CONSTANTLY reading the back of the can, or tub, or package. Whatever my coffee of the moment happens to come in. (Currently Café Du Monde that I picked up from Gumbo YaYa’s here in Jax) The instructions on the back of ALL of them instruct you to add ___ tablespoons of coffee for every 6 ounces of water. 6. 6. SIX!!! Why? Did someone just decide that is how much? Who? Why? It certainly can’t be out of convenience! Because a CUP of water is 8 ounces! And the little gauge on the side that shows how much water you’ve added? It’s divided up by 8 ounce cups! It’s kind of like our yard to everyone else’s meter. Like a yard is ALMOST a meter, but not quite. And it fucks all kinds of shit up in sports. Except American football cause we’re the only asshats that play that game. Anywho. I am just grateful that my coffee cups are 12 ounces, because it does make it a bit easier for me. I just get so angry whenever I read the back of the coffee and I see that.
Oh, this game is super fun. Just click your mouse and try and make the ladybugs run into each other. I posted it on twitter, but my account is private there. Not that many other people read this than that! SUPER FUN LADYBUG GAME!!!
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Robby: “Why aren’t you cuddling with me?”
Me: “Because I’m blogging.”
Robby: “Psh!”
_________
I am sitting on my sisters couch watching something about young hollywood on E!. I’ve only heard them talk about the Jonas Brothers (I giggled when they referred to their youngest brother, Frankie, as a “Bonus Jonas”) and Miley Cyrus. Billy Ray has nicer hair than me. Robby is snoozing on the couch next to me. We just picked up a rental car and McDonalds breakfast. Even though logic tells me that we should feel like 7 am is actually 10 am, it still feels likes 7. THe crisp, cold, California air definitely plays a part in that. I am not really missing the humidity, especially since it is so heavy in Florida right now. But shit, it’s AUGUST! Shouldn’t it be a LITTLE warm here? No one warned me! I thought it might be at least 75*! It’s like 84 in Jacksonville right now. But the humidity is at 51% and its probably raining. Anywho, we’ll probably stop at Old Navy or something and grab some sweaters or something warmer! I brought all tank tops and dresses! I want to go into Fairfield and stop by CosmoProf to see Erika and Tyger. But I think I might take a nap first. It is very hard for me to type all of this, I am exhausted! I don’t really have a lot of plans, I think every one is working today, we’ll probably just cruise around, maybe go on a Jelly Belly Tour! HAHAHA! Ok, adios, call me if you like, 904-400-2678! I’ll check my twitter through out the day, too.
Oh, here is my new hair!
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I think from now on when shit sucks I’ll just read this:
I’ve stopped taking myself so seriously. I can take a step back and laugh at myself. Sometimes I can get a really big charge out of what an absolute idiot I am. I’ll have this big intellectual stumbling block right in my way, and suddenly I’ll realize, Hey, who put the damn stumbling block there in the first place? That right: Mister Serious Artist Person!
Whoa, I just crack up when that happens. Actually I’m a real easy laugher. I’ll laugh at anybody who’s being phony or pretentious. I’ll laugh at anybody who’s trying to make it the best they know how. I’ll laugh at anybody.
Now I’m in a whole new place. That other, older part of my life seems like some sort of surrealist joke that a bunch of my old buddies got together and pulled on me. Like they all got behind the furniture and waited until they heard me drive up, then they all jumped out and hit me with that part of my life.
But now I have to deal with now. I need some help on my clothes, so I just go manic and call everybody I can think of. They give me a lot of advice, but ultimately I’m the person under the hammer. It is I who have to wear the clothes, not all these well-wishers and hangers-on. Not the current artist of the month. Not all these vapid, air-brained media types. It will be me putting on the pants. It will be me pulling up the socks. I know how to do this. I’ve been at it for quite awhile. I dressed myself for a long time before anybody was paying attention, and I’ll dress myself a long time after everybodys paying attention to the way somebody else dresses himself. I know how these things go.
So what do I do? First I admit that I don’t know what to do. Then I tell myself that I’m not alone, nobody else knows what to do either.
Once I’ve got that out of the way, I can start.
There’s nothing permanent about this. I know that now. Tomorrow I’ll be faced with more problems, but they won’t be today’s problems, they’ll be newer, different problems. I can deal with it. I know what I’m doing.
From “I Know What I’m Doing About All the Attention I’ve Been Getting” by Frank Gannon
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I have been slightly miserable, lately. I now borderline loathe a job I once loved. I have no friends outside of the few who live in different states that I maintain relationships with online. I dread being the oldest person in Elementary Algebra when school starts. I thought I’d be pregnant by now.
I have SO much to be grateful for. So I don’t know why all of that is being overshadowed. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. Like there is too much to do. More than I have the time, the energy or the motivation for. I hope that by breaking down the bad I might be able to find a solution. Like in math. While I’ve always loved to write, I also enjoy figuring out how things work. Math alone is boring. Applied mathematics are far more interesting. I hope that by breaking it all down, I might find a reason and a resolution.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
I could tell you why I loved my job. I could tell you of the people and the conversations and the overall importance of what we did. But it’s all overshadowed by the fact that CUSTOMER SERVICE is far more important. The smiles plastered, the words watched, the nerves assuaged, the convincing of my competency. I would love to elaborate more, but I am not a fool. I’ve gotten myself into trouble before blogging about work.
Whoa. Just read a bunch of blogs from when I was in Iraq. I sounded so much happier. Even though things were super shitty. Maybe I just felt more focused.
A faithful friend is the medicine of life.
This part in the hardest. You know the hypothetical setting, right? The woman who is trapped in an abusive relationship? Then somehow, after years, like say eight of them, she manages to leave him. To cut off all contact. To save herself. To move on. Or at least attempt to. Then she finds that she isn’t able to open up to people. She doesn’t feel comfortable around anyone she doesn’t already know. She doubts her intelligence. Questions her own point of view. Decides she isn’t very funny, after all. All of that freedom I gained from letting go hasn’t been put to good use. Not only do I NOT have any friends, but I don’t know how to make them. Even when I am in situations where being social would be easy, I shut down. I don’t know how to be myself anymore. I think the most overwhelming part is imagining all of the work that goes into a friendship. All of the effort I put in over 8 years. To have no return. I doubt myself constantly. I think about these people that I loved. About how I tried to show that love. I try to figure out where I went wrong. I cannot accept that it was not my fault. I think that until I find out what I did wrong I won’t be able to maintain a friendship for fear of fucking it up all over again.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
School starts soon. Unlike the majority of my peers I did not go directly from high school to some form of college. I do think this is better and worse for me. Better because I feel much more focused in what I want to obtain from school, and worse because I am out of practice. I feel intimidated by the 17 and 18 year olds fresh out of high school. I barely passed the placement exam in math, I don’t know how I will make it through an entire course. With age comes wisdom, or something like that, right? Nobody talks about the lack to retain any of that knowledge, though.
Life is tough enough without having someone kicking you from the inside.
I’ve tried not trying. I’ve tried not caring. I’ve tried to try. I’ve done OPKs. I’ve tried to measure my BBT. I’ve tried to have LOTS of sex. I’ve tried laying on my back with my legs in the air for 30 minutes after the sex. I’ve spent more money on pregnancy tests, basal body thermometers, books, ovulation predictor kits, and tampons than shoes. I am not pregnant. This is one of the few things I am leaving up to God. I just trust that it will happen when it is supposed to. But it doesn’t make it any easier to see the bellies, the blankets, the strollers, the outfits, the tiny shoes. It’s hard, but this, this I cannot control. And I won’t try to. Not anymore.
I feel better I think. Writing. Tomorrow the thinking about the writing. Maybe some more writing. The floors must be swept and mopped. The dishes must be done as well. I think the writing will come first, though. I’ll read some old blogs for motivation.
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Ok, I am seriously trying to blog here. I gave myself an hour so that I could get to bed at a decent hour. But EVERY photo uploader is giving me issues; photobucket, flickr, twitter, AND myspace are all taking 500 hours to upload 2 photos. I have like 100 I want to upload, though I only need about 15, for this blog. This is driving me insane. I updated the photo on my blog, on myspace and on twitter, but that’s all I have managed to accomplish. I don’t want to promise a meaty blog tomorrow on the (likely) chance that I don’t deliver. I will leaving you hanging though. Goza said I don’t blog when I’m happy, but right now, I’m not blogging, and I’m not exactly happy either. Because it is the first thing that will come to your mind, Robby and I are great, in fact, we’re the only good right now. Everything surrounding me kind of sucks right now. I shall elaborate later, tentatively tomorrow. I leave you with one of my favorites from the batch of silly pictures Robby and I took with Photobooth this evening.
We’re such a good looking couple, yeah?
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This is fucking golden. A real piece of work, I tell ya.
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Maybe Goza is right. Maybe I do need to focus my energy somewhere else. A hobby of sorts, right? Not scrapbooking, or learning a new language. I don’t have the time or the energy to put into learning something, I barely have the time or the energy, let alone the will, to do much more than eat disgusting amounts of chocolate and sleep 18 hours a day. I need to get BACK to something I love, not find something new. My attention span is barely longer than that of a goldfish and in the event I choose to learn something new the chances are it won’t last much longer than a couple of days. I can barely update this blog once a week, I haven’t read a whole book in at least 4 months and I right now my idea of a hobby is finding a new show to DVR. I have looked into rugby. Ideally, this is perfect. An activity that offers benefits on many levels, physically, and mentally. Unfortunately rugby season is a few months away and the one women’s rugby team in Jacksonville doesn’t even have any dates on their calender for the upcoming season. Writing and reading are long time loves but ones that I seem to phase through. Being devoted for months at a time, and then completely uninterested in at the drop of a hat. School should start this fall, and I know that will take up most of my time when it does, and I am looking forward to the distraction. Until then, I’ve got to find SOMETHING.
MY decision to attempt pregnancy was both very well thought out and at the same time, an incredibly rash choice. Less than a month after I was married Robby was deployed to Iraq for 15 months. Our decision to get pregnant that quickly was one I do not regret. He was deploying and we all know those things can have devastating results. We wanted to have a baby “just in case…”. We never finished that sentence and I am sure everyone knows why. From the second we talked about marriage we were both excited about starting a family. I had previously stated that I would never get married or have children because I am a selfish person and I could never put my wants and needs aside for anyone else’s. This changed when I realized I didn’t want to spend another second without Robby as a solidified part of my life. When you love someone with that intensity you want nothing more than to make them happy. I wanted to raise a family with this man and the fact that the idea made him just as happy furthered my desire to have his babies. Almost two years after my miscarriage I decided that I was ready to try again. Was everything in our life perfect? No. Will it ever be? No. Does raising a child scare the shit out of me? Of course. But I want it almost more than I want to spend the rest of my life with Robby.
My desire to have children is so intense, so passionate, that I cannot think about anything else. Which is exactly what I SHOULDN’T be doing. So, in my effort to reproduce, I must put it on the back burner. As “bass ackwards” as that sounds, it makes perfect sense. The hard part isn’t getting pregnant. It’s finding something that can interest me enough about to distract me from “trying” to get pregnant. Get it? Any suggestions?
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I just ordered When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris and Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler from Amazon. Oh, and also an Optimus Prime xbox 360 skin for Robby so he doesn’t get mad that I bought MORE books.
I am determined to make a freaking baby. I’m supposed to start my period on Wednesday, and judging by the pimples on my face, my insatiable chocolate cravings (though, that’s actually the norm…) and my heightened sense of extreme irritability (also, kind of norm…) I think Aunt Flow is well on her way. Or are these possible signs of being knocked up??? I should start a paypal account and collect donations for the basal body thermometers, ovulation strips, pregnancy tests, last minute tampon purchases and the ensuing chocolate and wine. This crap is expensive.
Oh, go to dooce.com. I randomly found this website and she’s been blogging since like 2001 or something. I should know, I’ve started reading from the very beginning. I’m only to May of 2003 now. Tons of LOLs, I don’t know Heather Armstrong, or her dog, or her husband, or their daughters, but I want to. Her dog reminds me of Lanna. And her photography is pretty damn kickass. I’m adding her to my blogroll.
